26 Feb 2014


I love rock. You know where you are with rock. What you see at one end of the bar continues right the way through, no matter where you break it or bite it. There's a consistency and knowledge of what to expect.

Some people are consistent like rock. They are genuine. Their words and their actions match. Their words and their words match too as the content of their speech is not dependant on the presence or absence of anyone. But we all modify our behaviour on occasion. It would be odd if we didn't- job interviews have a different set of rules than conversations with your grandparents. A night out with friends means a whole different set of social norms than a parents' evening or paying the milkman. Everyone knows this and we somehow adapt to fit in. We understand the rules and are grateful that they help society function. But at what point does over-thinking and moderating our behaviour become deceptive?

I can only presume that Danny, a character met by Dave Gorman at the end of his 91,000m Googlewhack adventure crossed that line (wherever it is) a long time ago. Compromising in a million different ways over time and cyberspace, Danny eventually finds himself with 2 completely separate identities, each tied to an aspect of his sexuality and both completely independent of each other:

Every year I go to the (Mardi Gras) parade with my girlfriend and every year I think: This is it. This is the day that my 2 worlds collide. This is the day my world ends. I see gay friends of mine in the parade and in the crowd and I see straight friends of mine in the crowd and I don’t know who I am. I don’t know who to be. I don’t know how to wear my hair, my collar, my jeans, how to behave. Which me do I be?

OK that's an extreme example, but Danny started somewhere. And employees of MI5 and everyone on the Witness Protection Programme aside, there are a whole host of small and subtle ways to compromise who we really are:

• Hiding texts from a partner
• Taking sides in office politics
• Tweeting/posting stuff to carefully reinforce an edited version of ourselves
• Downplaying or adopting a belief depending on company

The list could go on and on. I don't presume to know where the line is in every situation or necessarily think it's in exactly the same spot for each person - I just know it's not normal to bite into rock and find cola bottles.
Or porridge.
Or cabbage.
Edible, but unexpected.
(And may cause retching)

19 Feb 2014

Book review

This book is doing my head in. They should have called it 'Inept parents who constantly reinforce negative behaviour then whinge when they get it'.

18 Feb 2014


Bedtime. We are discussing The Lord's Prayer which I was shocked to discover our children actually know (we didn't teach them - at least not the trespassey version that they recited to me in Borg-like unison tonight).

Me: What do you think this bit means, 'Let your will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven'?
J: It's like God's in charge of the Earth too, just like he's the boss of Heaven.
M: Heaven is just the same as earth you know. Except there are no toilets.
Me: Um, yeah... There are a few other differences too I think...?
M: Yes- you're not allowed to be sad or punch people. Because nobody can cry and nobody can be mean.
Me: Yep! What else might be different?
J: God will be there.
M: Of course, God will be there. But... that isn't really a difference really because he's here right now as well but in Heaven he won't have his invisibility cloak.

11 Feb 2014

Cooking issues (ongoing)

Our Cookiemoon is definitely fading. There's less enthusiasm for picking menus. Shopping is still fun and educational, but I only get willing volunteers if the alternative involves homework or getting ready for bed. After 20 years of meandering up and down the aisles in a carefree manner, I falter and panic without a list. The putting away of stuff on return home is getting old with K and me doing rock paper scissors to see who gets the fridge, and that's before the cooking part has even happened yet.


I can scrutinise our lifestyle and analyse it to death, but I think my basic problem is I like the kitchen to look like this:

But it often looks like this.

It also involves me spending much time doing this.

When I'd much rather be spending time with them (plus the 
biggest one who has refused photography permission).

Doing things like this.

And making things like this.

Then arguing over this.

Can someone please hurry up and invent this?

That would be great. 

3 Feb 2014


E passes me a pen to sign his homework diary. There's a curl of plastic casing peeling away from the nib end, like the pen is unravelling.

Me: Did you try to sharpen this pen?
E: Yes I did.
Me: With a pencil sharpener?
E: Yep, that's right.
Me: But... why?
E: I was in French. 
Me: ...?
E: I was bored.