Me and kids are in car at leisure centre after swimming lessons. K is arriving at Severn Tunnel Junction in 4 minutes time and I can't quite remember how to get there. It's only a few miles away but I've been there only once before and it was dark and raining and we got lost because the sat nav (delivered in the voice of Homer Simpson) had a glitch and kept trying to make us drive over a railway line.
Me: No! Homer's dead. Charger's not here... Argh. (Addressing kids) Remember that time we picked Daddy up from the train station and it was dark and Homer took us the wrong way- does anyone remember where that was?
J: Kind of... Wasn't it near where Rowan used to live?
Me: No idea. I never went to Rowan's house.
E: Use Waze
E: Waze- on your phone. (He takes it off me and launches app). Ah look, you've not used this much. You're a Baby Wazer.
Me: Am I?
E: Yep! You know I'm a Bronze Wazer.
Me: How come?
E: I just keep it on all the time when we go places. Like when we went up to Scotland. And Scarborough. And when we went away in the caravan. Ha- I'm beating you!
Me: You used Waze as a passenger?
E: Yeah- so it recorded all the miles I travelled. That's how I got all the way up to bronze. And you're still a tiny BABY wazer...
Me: But... You weren't driving.
E: But I'm BRONZE!