6 Mar 2013

Thinking Big

Once again, thanks to the amazing seasonal generosity of family and friends our kids ended up with £30 - £110 worth of Christmas money/vouchers to spend in the sales this year. (They did receive exactly the same amount of money each- our relatives are very equal that way- but there is a sliding scale of purchasing power in our house which correlates to age lest we all suffocate underneath cuddly animals, lego and squinkies).

The kids' wish lists were very modest, considering:

M: A bag of marshmallows and a big stuffed Spot the dog (A character she has shown NO interest in whatsoever since the age of 3, so that was a bit unexpected. However he's huge and cuddly and therefore appealing)

J: An Anakin Jedi Interceptor Lego ship and a BIG cup of Wilkos pick'n'mix sweets

E: An iPod with the capacity to download apps and take photos (which his previous one didn't because it was so old)

These items were duly sought and purchased in the days following Christmas day and the kids LOVE them and play with them lots. All were bought in real shops from real live people who work there- aside from J's Anakin lego model which was ordered online cause it was cheaper. 

The 4 days in between securing the purchase on Amazon and the magical package arriving via courier to our door were long and punctuated by sighs of, 'Oh I WISH it was Thursday because then my Anakin Jedi Interceptor Ship would get here,' and 'Mum, do you think my Anakin Jedi Interceptor Ship might get here tomorrow, even though they said it would be Thursday?' and 'If my my Anakin Jedi Interceptor Ship does get here tomorrow I can't play football with Jack cause I'll be too busy building it then playing with it...' 

Day 2 of waiting for Anakin Jedi Interceptor Ship. Bedtime.
Me: What prayers are we going to say tonight then Jackson?
J: Please God help my Anakin Jedi Interceptor Ship get here on Thursday, Amen.
Me: .... Amen... Anything else?
J: Nope- that's it.
Me: Jackson, God can do anything, yeah? And when you pray you can talk to him about anything! Isn't that amazing? Let's think of something else to pray about... I know what-
J: (interrupting) Dear God please make my Anakin Jedi Interceptor Ship get here BEFORE Thursday!!

This cracked me up completely. He's 9 years old. The entire focus of his world is about 2 meters wide and is packed with nerf guns, lego and cola bottles. It's a place of smallness and safety, cushioned from real life by a network of family, adult friends and his posse of mates who look forward to football in the yard at lunchtime more than their lessons, just as he does.

The WORST thing to happen to him last week was when I finally threw out his favourite jogging bottoms which have had a hole in the right knee for the past 3 months (Somehow they kept emerging, clean and damp from the washing machine, so I'd think- OK he can wear them just this one more time...) 

My world is somewhat bigger than this. 

My world involves solicitors, contractors, internet Tesco shopping and parentmail. There are banking dongles, hair straighteners and estate agents. There's also midnight email conversations, school dinner money reminders and an almost- teenager who is part toddler/ part mastermind contestant (specialist subject: Apple). There are landlords and ex-landlords, ex-tenants and bailiffs. There are bills to be prioritised, conversations about tampax (No, you don't need them yet), sexting (Great- you know what it is but haven't yet done/seen anything? Let's keep it that way) and a tick list of things that I never quite get to the end of.

Sometimes I think I am envious of the small safe world of my kids. And then I remember how excruciating adolescence was and how I glaze over at mindless youtube videos which feature singing dogs, uploaded by 10 year olds who boast 'You won't watch this without laughing,' while the kids crease up on the floor next to me, proving that if you are a child, then this is perfectly true. 

So my life is bigger and a bit more complex than theirs, but has God grown (in my head) to match?

God can do anything. And when you pray you can talk to him about anything! Isn't that amazing?

I need to apply this to me too and stop only praying about what I can see and hear and worry about. You can scale everything up from the world of my 9 year old, but mine too is small and limited. 

God knows we need people to pay on time so that we in turn can pay contractors/ staff/ the VAT man. He's fully aware of the date we need accounts by and that it must coincide with the pension people doing their bit so we can (hopefully) get a mortgage before stupid season starts again and we're not at home long enough to move house. 

So why do I insist on telling him???

I tell him about lots of other stuff too, though. I prattle on and on about family things (so many of them far from him), my friend's mum who is dying of cancer (Why don't you always heal? Help them to remember all the memories they are making now), my friends who lost their son last year (I still don't get it God, but I know you do. Use what happened- somehow) and my other mate who is finally pregnant after ages of waiting (Thank you/let them be OK/Thank you/let them be ok).

As good and as right as these prayers are, I stall and get overwhelmed when I look further afield. There are some massively ugly things happening that I don't quite know what to do with or how to pray about. So in all honesty I don't. Because the more you look the more mess you see and before long it's less of a prayer and more like a Billy Joel song:

Hunger
Dirty water
Tax evasion 
Genetic modification
Corrupt politicians
Genocide
Celebrity culture
Preventable child death
Nestle
Meow Meow
Trident
Rape culture
Suicide bombings
The LRA
Human Trafficking
School shootings
HIV
Jimmy Saville
The arms trade
Whistleblowers
FGM
Austerity
Child soldiers
The Middle East

When the problem gets so big I have less to say about it. I have no solutions to offer so other than fire off petitions of complaint (often via Avaaz.org) I concentrate on the things I can pray semi-coherently about. It's kind of a back side forward approach.

I'm forgetting who He is.

I AM.

History is not the history of man. It’s not the history of civilization. God was there first. Do we sometimes invite God into our story? Are we like ‘We’re going to let you be in our story God,’ and he’s like, ‘Excuse me? But your history is my story. Your existence is my story. Your nation? My story. The world that you live in? My story. The history of your civilasations (thank you very much) is my history and it started long before you were around. History is MY STORY and I am inviting you in. 

My name is I AM. Your name is I am not. 

I can take anybody and do extraordinary things. 

You are one of 6.4 billion people on this planet so you've got to just get over yourself. Do you think the world is going to screech to a halt if you fall off of it? I don't NEED you to do this, I'm inviting you to be part of My Story. I could use a sheep if I wanted to, I don't need anything or anybody to help me do this but  I. Want. You.

Stop insulting God with tiny prayers and a shrunk down life and your little teeny idols. 
(Louie Giglio)