2 Apr 2015

Playing by the rules



Three or four times a year the kids get out the Monopoly board and we start a game that will involve all of us having dinner scrunched up at one end of the kitchen table for 3 evenings in a row, regular accusations of corruption against the banker, a few tears and at least one major argument. The game will end after a gradual slide into destitution as I slowly haemorrhage all my possessions to the eventual winner (which by the way, is never me).

It's interesting to see how the kids' personalities play out as the game progresses:

E: Rules are rules are rules. They are there for a reason. They make the game function. What's the point of playing it if you're going to show compassion? This is futile. It only prolongs the inevitable (and delays my rise to absolute power!! Mwahhhh haawhh haaaaaawhh...)

J: Lighten UP. Rules are a guide- a framework, if you will. It's people that are important. Playing the game should be fun. If you have to pay that massive bill then you'll loose Piccadilly and Coventry Street and be sad, so why not just pay me HALF the money and let me have some bubble gum bottles from your secret junk drawer instead? Oh - and if there's going to be an atmosphere about all this then I'll be in the garden playing football...

M: But I like the rules. If we aren't playing properly, then I won't play. Oh, unless you want to show me a little bit of leniency. Then that's OK- because I am the youngest.

The whole purpose of the game is to win, and to have a winner, everyone else must loose. Without an imbalance of power, there IS no game. Which is why I hate Monopoly. But because we play it so infrequently, my memory recovers well enough to convince me that it wasn't really that bad and we're teaching life skills like risk taking, conflict resolution, losing gracefully, blah blah blah, plus we need something to do on happy family no gadget Wednesdays that involves us all being in the same room of the house. Then the whole process repeats itself from the start and I realise once again: Yep - I really do hate this game.

There comes a point, no matter what chance card you pick or how the dice falls, the event horizon of bankruptcy has been crossed and there is no going back. From now on the future involves only Foodbank vouchers, zero hours contracts and eventually dying alone in a damp bedsit, perhaps covered in your own vomit.

The game starts off so fairly, doesn't it? Everyone starts off with the same amount of money.  The iron, dog and top hat all receive the same amount of money for passing GO. The same opportunities for success exist equally for all, yet the outcome is always a situation that is very unequal- although supposedly fun to play.

Does life imitate art or vice versa? Do I have issues with Monopoly or the values it stands for? Because the game has been going on for real since forever and we start playing as soon as we arrive - even if we'd rather play football in the garden or wander off to the toilet and forget to come back to the kitchen table or (me only) rearrange all the cupboards in the entire house then post the photos to Buzzfeed.

Except in the real game there is no level playing field anymore. There are no equal opportunities - start up capital sums vary and property portfolios are often predetermined at birth. There is no set amount for passing GO- each person receives a different amount that reflects their market value. Because some people are inherently more valuable than others, right?

Race, gender, income, education, background - all kinds of things influence the gameplay. Some people are naturally predisposed to wealth or power and the game belongs to the wealthy and powerful. Some people live their whole lives waiting to roll the dice. The article here explores what the Monopoly rules would look like if applied today in the USA alone. Factor in global wealth statistics and the game rules only get more skewed. It's so weird. Every one of us being born into a time and place and situation that we have NO control over. How is that fair?

And how do we play the game fairly now that we're here? Fulfilling the responsibilities of adulthood, enjoying whatever rewards genetics, IQ and geography bring and sharing our (sometimes limited) resources based on the priority of need - without being embittered by what what other people have or immobilised by guilt about what we have or frustrated by the apathy of those who could really make a difference if they wanted to.

It must be possible to live here yet not be tainted by the system. To be in the world but not conform to it. Jesus managed it. He spent his whole life doing so and was eventually killed for it as the system was SO unjust it couldn't cope with him. The culture and context changes, but the same game plays on. And while the rules are still enforced by the powerful, we can learn stuff from the way he approached the rules while he was here:

Jesus made religious people mad by refusing to condemn a woman to death who'd been caught in adultery, telling the crowd, 'Let him who has never sinned throw the first stone.' One by one they dropped their stones and left. The religious people liked their rules. They liked catching people out who had broken the rules. But they chose which rules to follow and which rules to ignore (where was the man she was caught with??) Jesus knew all about the rules but loved people more than being right. He knew all the rules the religious guys had broken too - and exposed their hypocrisy.
• Love people more than rules

One time his friends were challenged about paying taxes to Caesar. Jesus instructed them to fish in the nearby waters and the money would be found inside the mouth of a fish. And it was - they were given what they needed at the point where they needed it. Jesus didn't make a direct stand against the taxation system (he could have done) - but used the situation to teach about God's ability to provide.
• God is bigger than the rules

Another time he advised some people that 'If one of the occupying troops forces you to carry his pack for one mile, carry it two miles.' This sounds like caving in to power, but was actually an act of quiet rebellion. A first century Palestinian could be forced to carry a soldier's supplies for one mile- but making anyone carry the weight further than this was forbidden and resulted in disciplinary action. Jesus wasn't being submissive - he was showing people a way to flip the rules back onto the rule makers and exploit them to their advantage.
• Make a stand against unfair rules

He didn't really have a permanent residence. He travelled loads- always surrounded by people. Someone once declared he would follow Jesus anywhere, to which he replied 'Foxes have dens, the birds have nests, but I have nowhere to lie down and rest.' He didn't have much stuff because stuff wasn't that important to him.
• Using the rules to acquire lots of stuff is not a good use of time

The longest recorded conversation we know about is between him and a Samaritan woman. This is massive. Hanging out with a woman? With a dodgy history? Who belongs to a people group we hate? This was beyond shocking. It was unimaginable. Things like this were never done - ever. 'Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you' he said.
• A rule that makes you hate someone is not a good rule. Ignore it.

Hmmm. Would Jesus rather play Monopoly or football or organise a cupboard? (One of these activities -my favourite one- has no rules at all).

29 Mar 2015

Online safety

FB status: What materials did we need to research for product design?
Parental comment: Candy floss, pixie dust and farts

(Comment disappears within a few minutes)

Me: What happened to the comment?
J: I removed it to save you embarrassment.
Me: I may just have to post it again...
J: Then I may just have to block you...

9 Mar 2015

Singing in tune

Multitasking: This term originated in the computer engineering industry and refers to the apparent performance by an individual of handling more than one task, or activity, at the same time, for example taking phone calls while typing an email. Multitasking can result in time wasted due to human context switching and apparently causing more errors due to insufficient attention. However, studies have shown that some people can be trained to multitask more effectively, with practice, where changes in brain activity have been measured as improving performance of multiple tasks. (Wiki)

'There’s no such thing as multi-tasking – just doing lots of things badly. The correct term is multi-failing' (Pete Brockman, Outnumbered)



I multitask (or fail) frequently. I can accomplish a lot in a short time by overlapping undemanding or repetitive tasks such as talking on the phone, formatting a document, checking homework or cooking tea. But I've also had to re-write emails that were drafted when I was distracted by something else or agreed that the kids could do /eat something because I wasn't focussed on the question. Also, as previously disclosed, doing anything + cooking must be approached with caution as it can go really wrong.

It depends on the thing, right? Big things like cuddling a child who's fallen over or anything involving these symbols (+ - ÷ % x) demand one's full attention. 

What happens when we multitask the big things? I ran an experiment to see. (NB: There was only one individual in this cohort and the trial has not been independently verified, so any real researcher reading this can legitimately question and reject my findings). 

Introduction:
Our church was set up for a whole night and day of continuous prayer. People signed up for 1 or 2 hour slots and had a range of creative ways to help them connect with God. Props included individual iPods preloaded with worship material, oversized scrabble tiles, a map of our local area, information about current world events, quotes from famous people - living and dead - about suffering, justice and the meaning of everything, and a collection of collage materials and PVA glue for those who wanted to make their prayers out of pom-poms and glitter.

Method:
It was the middle of the night and normal people were sleeping. No one else was in the building. The door was locked and I had the whole prayer space to myself. The kick off room had a looped video of global demographics and poverty statistics framed against a cover version of Mad World. Quotes about freedom and imprisonment, IS and the fall of the Berlin Wall surrounded the screens. There is much suffering on this planet. But much hope too. And triumph in the face of genuinely awful things. I remained in the room for 6 loops of the song and one cup of tea. I learned all the lyrics to Mad World without trying.

Moving into the main room, this prayer space was completely quiet and still and with the doors to the last area closed, Mad World could not get in. It did not remain quiet. With worship-to-go on an iPod and ear buds in, I sang, scribbled, glued and cried my way through several tracks, kneeling on the floor on top of our map, pritt-sticking song words around our town and colouring stuff in with Sharpie pens. The God Songs were all I could hear. Singing the God Songs was easy and natural. It was actually hard NOT to sing them.

Needing more tea, I went back into Mad World room to make another drink. I stopped in front of the screen and watched some of the looped video listening to the God Song on the iPod rather than Gary Jules- which didn't quite work. God Songs speak of power and love and the bigness of God. The video reminded me our world is still broken and confusing and grossly unfair. Why isn't God fixing it? What am I doing to fix it? How much worse can it get?? I unplugged one ear and Mad World mingled together with the God Song, which I was still singing.

It got harder to sing the God Song.

Phase 2 of the trial. I had no control over the volume of Mad World (where do we keep the TV doofer anyway?) but I did have control over the God Song and turned the iPod volume down. My own voice suddenly sung out louder. This did not help.

I turned the God Song down some more, but still kept on singing it. Man, this is hard. Mad World is now way too loud and it's making me want to sing that rather than the God Song I've already decided I want to sing.

Lower still - and I can only just hear the God Song in my one plugged-in ear. And all around me there are worn out faces and places and pointless races and all kinds of screwed up things which don't speak of God's greatness and sovereignty in a world of 1% starvation, 14% illiteracy and 7% computer ownership. I'm still singing the God Song, but singing it badly. I keep missing the start of the lines and forgetting which note I'm aiming for. It's a good job there's no one else here.

Test concluded. We have enough material.

Conclusions:
• There's nothing intrinsically wrong with Mad World. 
• Or any song that's not the God Song. 
• We have the freedom to pursue activities that don't don't reinforce the God Song or remind us to keep singing it. But focus on anything else for too long and the song quickly fades. You miss the start of the lines. Other tunes mingle in with it and you don't reach the right notes anymore. 

Recommendations:
• Have at least one ear plugged in at all times.
• Adjust your volume when you encounter interference
• Be aware of the Mad World and fight to change what you can wherever it is broken - but don't be immersed in grief over it. Things won't end this way. 
• Sing every day.
• Sing with other people who also sing the God Song. 
• Especially those who harmonise.






6 Mar 2015

Evolution (part 3)

Have just entered another era of parenting. Like today.

Was still in bed this morning when ManChild left the house for his paper round and am typing this from my bed this evening while he's still out babysitting.

We have conversed today and I have been out of bed for most of it, but choosing to lock the front door and go to bed when my kid is not home yet feels weird.

Do I wait up or go to sleep?

Hmm. Bed is calling. Really tired.

He's babysitting for one of my best mates. He's getting a lift home. He's got his key. Have left his fave mug (with a tea bag in) and a hot water bag next to the kettle.

He will have spent the last 3 hours enjoying unrestricted wifi access with no tea making or screen break conditions.

We are encouraging a healthy work ethic and are actually quite... caring parents.... And... Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...



24 Feb 2015

Empty nest syndrome

E has made me a cup of tea. My kid is fantastic at making tea. (He gets lots of practise). I take the mug and hug him.
Me: What's that smell? It's like popcorn or something.
E: Doritos.
Me: But we don't have any Doritos in the house.
E: I have some upstairs. 
Me: You're hiding food in your room?!
E: I bought them myself- I'll go get them and I'll trade you some for a bit chocolate.
(We make the swap)
Me: Babe- can I get some more?
E: Have a piece of fruit first - ha ha! (This is the line I use on the kids when they ask for junk). 
Me: Why are you buying food anyway?! You need to save up all your money so you can move out.
E: Sadly that's a while off yet...

22 Feb 2015

Jigsaws (part 3)

Is this how everyone builds a jigsaw?

1. Have possession of all the component parts, including a reference image of finished picture

2. Isolate all the edges

3. Build the frame

4. Gradually piece the thing together

Aside from chunky wooden jigsaws and those with under 24 pieces, I don't know of any other process to use (for grown up jigsaws).

However, Jackson recently suggested a new one to me during the stage 2 edge sort. After chatting and half heartedly helping for the best part of 10 minutes he asked, 'Wouldn't it just be easier to just put it together?'


5 Feb 2015

Life begins...

They say life begins at 40. I'm not sure that's true, but I have experienced some recent revelations in this new(ish) decade so it will be interesting to see how things pan out. OK- So far we have:

1: Cooking is less painful when planned and shopped for in advance. (See more details here).

2: Parenting a teenager is very different to parenting a toddler. Toddlers can do your head in, but they're easily distracted by bubbles or twigs or Milky Way stars and they sleep for half their lives anyway, leaving much respite time to drink wine and watch trashy TV. Teenagers have far more clever arguments at their disposal and are unbelievably stubborn and less prone to the allure of twigs. And they need less sleep - even if you give them wine. Teenagers can also make a parent behave like a toddler, which is annoying.

3: If you like things clean and organised and share a home with other people who are old enough to make things clean and organised but don't, just ask them. Then ask them again. And again. (thanking them in between times when stuff gets done). They are not ignoring the mess and disorder that is so apparent to you - they just don't see it. In the same way I have a mental block in finding Bristol airport and rely on the sat nav EVERY SINGLE TIME, so it is with some people and mess. Clean up together then watch Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners and marvel at how mentally unhinged everyone else is.

4: If your evening could involve either running a bath while putting the kids to bed then soaking in it for 2 hours with a book and a cup of tea until your pulse is pounding in your head and all the hot water runs out, OR having a 5 minute shower before climbing into bed before 11pm to a strategically placed hot water bottle or the prospect of intimate relations- choose the latter. Always. Time is money, people.

5: Care must be taken while multi-tasking - or it just becomes multi failing at different things. Like cooking the meal you planned then writing this blog during the simmering phase with no timer. See?



Annoying. The pan has only just recovered from the last distraction disaster.

(To be continued)