Life in zee Burrow: Statements you really don't want to hear from your teenage babysitter

6 Nov 2016

Statements you really don't want to hear from your teenage babysitter

'I took a psychcopath test when you were out and it said I have psychotic tendencies but don't worry - I don't think it's that accurate. And I only got 32 out of 80.'

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Sayings by uzzers which I much like

They misunderestimated me (George W Bush)

That's not just pants- it's pants with poo in. (Jackson, 6)

Salvation is like being returned to factory settings. But you have to admit there is a factory, and that there could be some settings. (Milton Jones)

If we crash, I give you full permission to eat my bottom (Jo - colleague and true friend)

I'm incredibly bendy for a short man. (Hamish, 5' 5")

He stole it from me! He stole it- my precious, my .....oh no, it's in my pocket. (Russell Howard)

Dr. Kelso: I know it was you.
Turk: [waving the plug from the pac man game around] You mean this right here? It's mine from home.
Dr. Kelso: Forty Million, Son. You have any idea how many patients I had to ignore to get that high-score? People died. (Scrubs)

God gave you existence. Don't rest till you know why. (John Piper)

Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocre minds. (Einstein)

EVERYbody needs somebody else. At least some of the time. People who disagree with this should try cutting their own hair. (Craig Fergusson)

God owns all the donuts (J John)

If your willy is called a penis, why isn't your bum called a poonis? (Jackson, 6)

Books may look like nothing more than words on a page, but they are actually an infinitely complex imaginotransference technology that translates odd, inky squiggles into pictures inside your head. (Jasper Fforde, The Well of Lost Plots)